The Brewery
August 11, 2009
State College, PA
so this was our first stop on a two week tour and definitely a grand welcoming to life on the road—lots of sitting around, meeting a cast of different characters nightly, and sleeping wherever you can gather enough space to stretch out a sheet. The Brewery is a cavernous venue, a bar sitting in the basement of a building that attempts to create warmth through mood-lighting and lots of wood furniture, but is still distinctly a college bar with plenty of video games and such to occupy any academic looking to relax their tired cranium by letting it swim in a pool of flashing lights and gin. we got there too early so were forced to wander the streets of State College and sample some of “the best pizza in town” (which, while the lady was nice, i feel sorry for State College if that is the best representation of their pizza, sorry to say).
after hauling our stuff inside and setting it up we were relieved to find we were good packers and had managed to remember a majority of our things, sans one cable i believe. we met the rest of the crew for the evening, set up our merch, and made ourselves comfortable. the show was a gradual swell of noise, starting with a solo acoustic act, followed by acoustic guitar and harmonica, the wonderful AC, and then our hosts for the evening, Phobos Anomaly. the set went of relatively without a hitch and seemed to bode well for the rest of our travels. we met some of the regulars after, a lot of happy and thankful faces loving having some new blood come into town. and, as another indication of trends for the coming weeks, i faced what i am sure many female musicians face: being approached under the guise of discussing my music only to either have things quickly move on to a lengthy discussion on how they like my dress or my face or my skin, etc. or to be asked leading questions along the lines of “are you married?” translating to “if you say you’re anything less, does that mean i have a shot of getting in your pants?”
as a result of this and other recurring patterns, i have decided to deviate from the past format for these tour entries and spend a little time in each sharing a little wisdom or venting some aggravations all gained while traveling. now i could rant to you about how infuriating it is that my appearance seems to be viewed as a better topic of discussion then my music, about how strange it is that people feel they have a right to your personal information by virtue of in any way showing support for your work, or how sad it is that the intricate mating dance of hitting on a girl at a bar goes out the window and is instead replaced with very forward come-ons and the apparent assumption that a traveling female musician, or any musician for that matter, will fit the stereotype of someone just looking to have a good time and a new sexual conquest each night they perform. today’s topic, however, in response to many an awkward encounter, is chosen as a form of public service—
How to Hit on a Hot Chick that Happens to be in a Kickass Band
1. know your angle or “plan of attack” ahead of time and stick with it. you must choose between either a) discussing, and likely complimenting, her music and her taste right of the bat or b) not acknowledging that she is in a band at all and instead approaching her like you would any other other attractive patron of the establishment (bar, gallery, etc.). this choice will be important in determining the course of your conversation from this point forward.
2. if you decide to take the music angle (a very common choice) be prepared to back-up your statements. this can be done in a number of ways. for example, compare her musical stylings to another known and respected act and do your best to choose one that actually makes a lick of sense. or mention something specific she did during the performance that you thought was really cool or showed a lot of talent. resist the urge to mention how “hot” she looked doing just about anything—she could have simulated oral with the microphone and it would probably still be best to ease that into the conversation latter. she will likely respond to your comments favorably and decide to pursue a lengthier conversation with you either because you boosted her ego or you made yourself different from the pack by trying to have a real and relateable conversation.
3. if you choose to not start with the music, perhaps because you don’t know what to say or you think her breasts are amazing but her music sucks, most normal rules of conversation apply and there are a number of safe options. offer her a drink. ask her how long she’s in town or what she has seen of the area. do your best to keep eye contact rather than have boob tunnel vision and stay calm. music may inevitably come up, be sure to at least feign interest.
4. with either route back-up your words with action. no matter how things start, at the very least ask for a website or a mailing list, or earn major points by monetarily supporting her and her work through buying a CD. while not all women are gold-diggers, all musicians with few exceptions are turned on by the sight of their CD leaving their hands and being caressed by another’s. it’s a smart move and one that rarely breaks the bank.
5. you are now free to ask slightly more personal questions (within reason) and to seal the deal however seems appropriate.
6. some DON’Ts:
DON’T offer to buy her CD as a condition of the two of you hanging out. She may be a performer, but she ain’t a stripper or a hooker so don’t act like you’re paying her for her time even if your support in your mind is conditional on her seeming interest in you.
DON’T hover over her while she is either getting things off the stage, loading out her gear, or discussing business with others. totally flustering and unattractive.
DON’T. assume. anything. she could be a wild and crazy front woman who spews fire and drinks like a fish on stage, but once she gets off she may want nothing more than to sit down with a book and warm mug of tea. we all have our therapy. we all have our forms of communicating. and they are all adaptable.
DON’T ask if she’s married. it’s just creepy.
these are obviously just my opinions and some girls do get into the business of rock in the hope of getting groped, but even they probably weren’t hoping to get nailed by the guy who by day has to take people’s orders and still smells like french fries sitting at the bar brooding with a bud light in his hands. meaning, even with her, you still gotta work for it a little. just saying…
finally, for those interested, the evening’s set list:
Dark Surf
Bad Talker
Seed
Gone Daddy Gone
Please
Best I Can Do
Desert Dogs
Way I Feel Inside
Violet
Dust
love, maura
http://www.myspace.com/phobosanomaly
http://www.statecollegemusic.com/the_brewery_state_college.html
